Introduction

Intercultural differences in marriages can be classified into either significant cultural differences or insignificant ones. It’s important to remember that not all cultural differences are significant. The significant ones can equally be enriching and add a new perspective to your life. Insignificant ones are those that are visible and represents easily noticeable aspects like music, food or clothing. The significant differences lie beneath the surface, impacting values, beliefs, and expectations that shape how you interact with the world. These underlying factors are what can have a major impact on your marriage. The key is to identify those differences that have the potential to cause major challenges and proactively address them through communication, respect, and a willingness to find common ground.

What Are Significant Cultural Differences?

In my other article I stated that my goal was to highlight the few things that you can do to navigate through the significant cultural differences that you and your partner have. When I was reading through that article again a few days ago, a question came into my mind as to what would amount to as significant cultural differences. This led me to writing this article. I will answer that question as well as discuss some of the significant differences that I was able to think of.

What Is Classified as Being Significant?

All marriages have differences. Those who marry across culture have their own unique differences. Not all differences in cross culture marriages can be classified as significant. What then do I classify as significant?  Significant cultural differences in marriage are those that have a strong potential to impact the core aspects of your relationship and daily life. Whatever cultural difference fits this description can be classified as a significant difference. Let me advance four reasons for classifying them as significant differences:

1. Potential For Conflict

It should be common knowledge that all differences have an inherent potential for conflict. However, what I have in mind here are those unfamiliar customs or unconscious biases that can lead to misunderstandings. These raise the possibility of arguments or resentment if left unattended. For instance, one culture may emphasize collectivism whereas the other might prioritise individualism. Proponents of collectivism will say that it takes a village to raise a child. But that may go down as interference with one who is individualistic. Another example would be where one partner is direct in their talk which may come out as disrespectful to the other who favours indirect talk. This clash of worldviews may impact decision-making and cause conflict.

2. Depth of Differences

This refers to how ingrained the differences are in each culture. Deeply held beliefs, traditions, or values are more likely to cause challenges if they significantly clash. The depth of difference is how strongly you hold on to and practice the beliefs, tradition, or values of your culture.  Let me give an example that may help make clearer what I am attempting to say. You may easily navigate the difference of opinion on preferred food to eat for dinner, but differing views on child-rearing philosophies could be strongly held views that one is reluctant or not ready to depart from.

3. Impact on Daily Life

In psychotherapy practice, one of the diagnostic criteria we use is to ask how much the disorder affects the daily functioning of the client. I would apply the same in determining whether a cultural difference is significant. Therefore, to qualify as a significant difference, you need to consider how the difference affects your day-to-day interactions and choices. For instance, differences in communication styles such as directness or formality, can lead to misunderstandings if not addressed. Similarly, differing expectations around household chores or finances can create friction. These things, and many more, have an impact on the daily life.

4. Long Term Implications

The long-term implication is another qualifier for a significant difference. Their effect is long-term when not addressed. If a conflict is unresolved, it can strain the relationship, leading to one feeling isolated. Additionally, children raised in an intercultural household might experience confusion if cultural practices significantly differ.

The Basic Categories of Significant Differences

Let me now give some broad categories of what would be considered significant differences:

1. Values and Beliefs

Each culture has certain values that they often emphasise such as the respect for elders, religious practices, or communication styles. As pointed out above, such differences can lead to clashes in decision-making or how you are to raise children.

2. Gender Roles

These have to do with expectations of who is to do what. Things that come to mind in this regard include career paths, household chores, and finances. The other aspect is that some cultures have stricter gender roles than others, which can cause conflict if not discussed and agreed upon beforehand.

3. Family Dynamics

In my other article I pointed out that marriage may mean marrying into the family for one, whereas it may be individualistic in another culture. This presents the question as to what role the in-laws play in the marriage. To this end, there may be a difference with regards to the role the in-laws play, how involved the extended family is, as well as the ideas of privacy within the family unit.

4. Communication Styles

Some cultures are more direct, whereas others value indirect communication. This is a fertile breeding ground for misunderstandings and hurt feelings if your partner isn’t aware of these differences.

5. Marriage Expectations

The very concept of marriage can have different meanings in different cultures. This can range from the purpose of marriage to how to raise the kids. Culture shapes what you expect from marriage.

Let me now turn to discuss some specific examples of significant differences.

Specific Examples:

1. Arranged Marriages vs. Love Matches

In some cultures, arranged marriages are the norm, focusing on family compatibility and social standing. This can be a big adjustment for someone who expects a love-based marriage.

2. Financial Management

Disagreements can arise from how money is handled. In some cultures, shared finances are common, while others emphasize individual control. Cultural norms can influence daily choices.

3. Public Displays of Affection

Levels of acceptable physical closeness can vary greatly. Open displays of affection might be frowned upon in some cultures.

An Opportunity for Growth

What we have been looking at so far in this article has been the negative aspects that could harm a marriage. However, cultural differences also present us with a chance for growth. Openly discuss your expectations. Learn about each other’s culture. Learn to appreciate new perspectives. Create unique traditions that blend both your cultures. Exercise some greater degree of patience and embrace the cultural diversity for you to build a strong and fulfilling marriage. This will help you to build a stronger and more understanding relationship.

The significance of the cultural differences lies in the fact that they influence the core aspects of married life: communication, expectations, decision-making, and potential for conflict. We can influence these core aspects of married life in a positive manner by using these differences to become a source of strength and enrichment for a marriage.

I have on many occasions heard this saying that oil and water don’t mix. True, they don’t. But we can all testify to how delicious the food cooked with water and oil is. In like manner, there are opportunities of growth and learning in the significant cultural differences in marriage. Contact me for guidance in exploiting these opportunities for growth and learning in your marriage.