Describing partner acceptance

Partner acceptance with regards to cultural differences can be described as the willingness and ability for you to acknowledge, understand, respect and appreciate the culture of your partner even though it is different from yours. And this acceptance is not a one-off occurrence. It is something that you do on a daily basis as long as you are together in your relationship.

Who is this for?

This is for those couples that want their relationship to flourish and are in it for the long haul. I am aware that not everyone wants to continue in the relationships they are in. Some would want to leave because they are in such an unhappy and abusive relationship. Others may feel like their differences are irreconcilable. Whatever the reason for wanting to leave, I trust that you have a valid reason for your decision.

This article is not meant to convince any of you to stay in your relationship. Neither is it meant to be a rallying call for you to persevere in your relationship regardless of the situation you may be experiencing. I will not deviate to discuss that because it is not what this article is about.

A sobering reminder

“In it for the long haul” is aimed to bring you to the realisation that there will always be issues between you and your partner emanating from your cultures. They will not all disappear in a short time so much that you no longer must deal with the differences. The reality is that the differences are life-long. Some will or may be resolved over time, but you will not have a clean slate free of differences. Differences will always be there. That is why accepting your partner becomes a life-long process. It is a process of constantly navigating the differences.

The other reason that I feel this is a life-long process is because being in a relationship with someone from a different culture will not magically change your differences. With the passage of time, you will adjust to each other and evolve your cultures. You will reach a point where you can tolerate or compromise on what is disturbing you. There will be things that you previously valued that later in life lose that value or zest with which you approached them. These constant changes means that you must deal with the issue on a life-time basis rather than a one-time event.

I am aware that this is not the information you want to hear. It is not comforting to hear that you must deal with that situation for the whole of your married life. You probably turned to this article because you hoped to find answers to help you deal with the differences in your relationship. As uncomfortable as it may feel, the reality is that those differences will be your daily struggles. The comfort doesn’t lie in the absence of differences, rather, in the fact that the differences can be managed or navigated.

Once you know that this is going to be your life, then you find a way of dealing with it. I’d rather not give you a motivation speech that hides from the reality you live with daily. It’s much better, I feel, that you build resources that will be useful in dealing with the situations as they arise in whatever form. How then do you navigate through this?

Navigating the process

First, let me address the likely feeling or emotions that I may have plunged you into. Being told that the unpleasant situation you are experiencing will always be there is bound to give you a sinking feeling. My intention for telling you that was not to depress you, but I am aware that it is a given that you will feel depressed about it. That’s okay. Read about emotions here. That feeling tells me that you want something better for your life. Now let me turn to the two things that would help in navigating the process.

Communication is the first aspect that I would consider with regards to navigating the process. Communication is key in navigating this life-long process. I have written about the communication nuances in my other article. I suggest that you read it to see how you can use that in achieving meaningful results in communication. Open dialogue should be the bedrock of this communication. Open and honest communication regarding your cultural differences and expectations will give each of you the confidence to navigate this life-long process. The communication must also embrace curiosity that will be needed in learning the culture of your partner.

Now onto the second aspect. The entire process of navigating the differences is like building bridges. Building bridges is a process by which you can build shared experiences, compromising on certain issues and find a common ground in the values that you have.

“In it for the long haul” is supposed be a motivation and not a disheartening factor. It should be a daily reminder that your relationship needs to be worked on daily. The work in itself is an adventure into exploring and enjoying the joys of the process. It will be frustrating on one hand, but it will equally be thrilling to discover that life with your partner can be a happy one despite the differences. It’s like the joys one is filled with at finding the lost treasures. Enjoy the process and don’t let the bumps along the way distract you from enjoying the pleasures of the process.