Negative emotions are neither good nor bad. They simply have a negative effect on the quality of your life. They are an alarm calling for attention. They are there to tell you about what is negatively affecting your quality of health. This article will briefly look at 7 different aspects of emotions with an aim of getting you to a state where you can listen to the negative emotions. It is hoped you will use this information to make your life better.

1. There are no wrong emotions

There are no bad or wrong emotions. Negative emotions are a part of being human. Stating them as negative emotions doesnt mean that they are bad. It simply means that they have a negative effect on you. This is a very pertinent point to always remember if one is to have a positive approach to dealing with emotions.

Some cultures or religions give us the impression that having or expressing emotions is wrong or bad. This leads to one suppressing them to conform to the social or religious requirement. Granted, the expression of emotions must always be put in check. The guiding principle for me is like what is written in the Bible (Easy-to-read-Version) regarding anger: “When you are angry, don’t let that anger make you sin, and don’t stay angry all day” (Eph. 4:26).

The principles that I get from that Bible passage with regards to emotions in general is that it is human to have or feel emotions. And in the process of feeling those emotions, don’t let them drive you off the edge. Control them so that they don’t become destructive to you or to others around you. The second principle I get is that if you feel overwhelmed, which will at some point happen, then deal with them as soon as possible. Preferably, deal with them before the end of your day. One adage comes to mind here, a stich in time saves nine. Or as is commonly said, the earlier, the better.

2. Actively deal with the negative emotions

You must actively deal with your negative emotions. They will not resolve themselves without your active involvement. Sometimes some of them may resolve themselves without you doing anything but I would like to think that there is always an external agent that facilitates the change.

For instance, you may be feeling angry for being sent to buy something at the nearby store and while angrily walking to the place, you find yourself less angry with each step that you take. You didn’t initiate the walk, but the walk may change your emotion. The Biblical quotation I have above equally brings out the point that you have to do something about your anger. Be actively involved in how you want to feel.

Well, you may decide to simply wait it out until the whole storm calms down. Sounds like an alternative, but is the discomfort you are subjecting yourself to worth the wait? I’m not sure it is. You are not doomed to feel hopeless. All that is required is some work on your part. You may not realise the value of you actively dealing with your negative emotions until you meet someone who believes they cannot do anything about how they feel. The veracity of our ability to control our emotions in this case is a far-fetched idea. It doesn’t have to be an idea because it is a reality you can live.

3. Emotions should not define you

Emotions are a part of you, but you are not your emotions. As I pointed out earlier, emotions are what makes us human. And that includes negative emotions as well. But they should not define our humanity. Your emotions should not be your identity. The negative emotions should not be what people identify you with.

Let me explain what I mean by this by way of illustration. You may feel frustrated and angry by what is happening within or around you. The bulk of your day is filled with these negative feelings so much that you feel like your life is falling apart.

It feels like you are losing control or already have. This brings about a conviction that you can’t do anything about it. It’s like this is your destiny. You feel it is the way it is meant to be. You are left at the mercy of those feelings and can’t do anything about it. When you are asked to work on those emotions your reply is that “I can’t do anything about it. This is who I am”.

The distinction I am trying to drive home here is like that of saying I am depressed versus saying I feel depressed, or I am angry versus I am experiencing a great deal of anger. If this resigned feeling describes you, then you have succumbed to your emotions and allowed them to define who you are. You are a person with emotions, but you are meant to control them because you can chart the course that you want your negative emotions to take.

4. Emotions are there for a purpose

Emotions are there to serve a particular function. The same applies for negative emotions. We experience them for a reason. A surge of fear will serve the function of you avoiding being run over by a car. So instead of being worked out by how or what you feel, ask yourself what message the emotion is trying to convey to you. What need is there that needs to be met?

Think of it this way. your six-year-old child is not listening to you, and this makes you angry. You are angry because you need the child to listen to you, not necessarily because the child is not listening. The child not listening creates a frustration within you that develops into anger.

What message is the frustration conveying? The message is simply that you need the child to listen to you. That’s the function that the frustration and anger are serving. So, you must at this time actively find a way of meeting that need to be listened to instead of being overwhelmed by the anger. Once you find a way of meeting that need, it means that the child will be obedient and there won’t be any need for you to be angry or frustrated.

Sometimes trying to find out why you are having those negative emotions may not be very helpful. Why don’t you instead ask what message the emotions are trying to convey, then find a way of meeting that need. One may contend that this is a cosmetic approach like treating the symptoms rather than treating the disease. Well, I would argue in this case that this statement doesn’t hold because emotions are a part of who we are. We are not trying to “heal” the emotions. What we are trying to do is to better manage or regulate our emotions.

5. Repression and suppression of emotions

Repression and suppression of emotions is not good for your health. It may lead to stress related problems. Repression is an unconscious pushing of emotions away whereas suppression is a conscious act done purposefully because you don’t know how to deal with the emotions. Pushing negative emotions away is therefore not a good idea however helpful it may be at the time.

6. Emotional Rebound

If you push emotions away, they come back stronger and overwhelm you. This is especially true with negative emotions. Pushing negatve emotions may seem like a solution in the short term in certain instances but that doesn’t usually turn out well in the long term. You need to process the emotions whenever they come up in a strong manner.

7. Unprocessed Emotions

The reason you need to process the negative emotions is because unprocessed emotions will build up over time. Ever wondered why you suddenly burst out over a seemingly insignificant matter that may not even be related to why you burst out? The people around may say that your reaction is out of character. It could be that a build up of unprocessed emotions well up and result in the outburst.

The unprocessed emotions may not even be negative emotions. However, negative emotions tend to almost always cause pain. At times some innocent people suffer the brunt of what is troubling you when they make a small infraction. Resolve your emotional turmoil as early as you possibly can for your own good and that of those around you.