What’s in this article
Introducing the 2 ways, 9 strategies
I will in this article explore two ways and 9 strategies you can use to improve your marriage. Each of these two ways has specific strategies you can use. I have written in most of my articles so far that intercultural marriages are unique. This uniqueness renders them to being approached differently if one is to deal with the problems or issues that may arise in such relationships, let alone, flourish.
But the question that begs an answer is whether intercultural marriages always require unique approaches in dealing with issues or promoting growth. Can what work for those married from the same culture work for those married across culture? Or are cross-culture marriages so unique that they only require approaches specially tailored for such relationships? These are questions that I will answer in this article.
I must state from the onset that intercultural marriages do indeed possess unique aspects that distinguish them from those that are married from the same culture. However, these marriages do not always require an approach that is completely unique to deal with an issue or promote growth. These approaches are what I would call strategies.
There are approaches that can be applied to both those from the same culture and those from across-cultures. These approaches are what one would call universal strategies. They are called universal because they apply to all, regardless of them being married to the same culture or across cultures. After all, we are all humans, and most humans express and experience the emotions, passions and struggles of relationships in like manner. I will in a short while give a few examples of the universal strategies that are applicable to all relationships.
As much as there are universal approaches, there are equally what I would call specific strategies that can be applied to cross-culture marriages specifically. And this has been my emphasis so far in all my articles on intercultural marriages. I have attempted to highlight the uniqueness of the relationships as well as the need to approach them differently. As with universal approaches, I will equally give a few examples of the strategies that are applicable to intercultural marriages.
My goal in doing this is not only to strike a balance but show that despite being unique, these relationships should not be feared because they can be worked on like any other relationship. I wish to give hope to those in such relationships that they don’t always have to search for something special to make their relationship work. This is not like dealing with an illness that doesn’t have a cure. There’s hope for those married accross cultures. Let me now begin with the universal strategies.
The universal strategies
One could come up with several universal approaches. However, I will only look at four that are universal in this article. Here are the strategies in brief:
1. Effective Communication: We have heard and read that communication is fundamental in any relationship. This is applicable to those married from across-cultures as much as it is for those from the same culture. Strategies that are used to enhance communication, such as active listening, expression of needs and feelings openly, to mention but a few, are essential for all couples, regardless of their cultural background. You can read more about the cross-cultural commuincation perspective that I have written here.
2. Mutual Respect and Understanding: In my article, the importance of cultural perspective in marriage, I have written about the need to understand your partner as well as respect their culture. The aspect of respecting each other’s viewpoints and striving to understand differences is crucial in all marriages. As one will attest, respecting your partner’s viewpoints includes being open to their perspectives and valuing their opinions and experiences. As I always like to point out, this applies to both partners.
3. Shared Goals and Values: Establishing common goals and values in intercultural marriages is what I have referred to as an opportunity for growth where you create unique traditions that blend both your cultures. This is where you build shared goals and values. Shared goals and values help strengthen the bond in any marriage, be it from the same culture or from different cultures. Discussing your plans for your life and family goals can help align both of you towards a unified path.
4. Compromise and Flexibility: The ability to compromise and be flexible is vital in managing conflicts and ensuring that your relationship is harmonious. This is applicable across all types of marriages. And in intercultural marriages, this is what I call a negotiated change. And now I turn to discuss the five specific strategies that are applicable to intercultural marriages.
Intercultural marriage specific strategies
1. Cultural Awareness and Sensitivity: Intercultural marriages are different in that you need to be more aware and sensitive to cultural differences. This will not be the case with those married from the same culture. What would be helpful in this regard, in navigating potential conflicts and misunderstandings, is the need to understand the values, traditions, and cultural norms of your partner.
2. Navigating Family Dynamics: Specific cultural expectations may prove to be a challenge that the extended families may pose to those married across cultures. This reminds me of a story that I heard where the wife was responsible for inviting the females to her home, but she didn’t know about that. Her husband had not told her that in his culture, it was her responsibility. Strategies that help in managing such situations in a respectful and effective way are crucial.
3. Language Barriers: In cases where there are language differences, you may need to develop ways that will be helpful in communicating with each other. And one of the ways is learning your partner’s language or navigating the differences to effectively communicate.
4. Cultural Adaptation and Integration: This is an important aspect for the relationship in that it enables you to develope ways to integrate and respect both cultures. This could involve taking part in the celebrations of cultural traditions of your partner and finding a balance that respects both backgrounds.
5. Dealing with Societal Pressures: Chances are that you will face societal pressures or prejudices that those married from the same culture do not have to contend with. One example that comes to mind is, growing up in a country with different cultures, there were certain cultures that were not well thought of as marriage material. So, there was pressure from society to live up to a certain standard that would prove their stereotype wrong. How about a European or Chinese marrying an African? And what about marrying or being married to an Arabic Muslim?
The balance between universal and specific strategies
While it is a given that the uniqueness of intercultural marriages might necessitate specific strategies, many foundational principles of a healthy relationship apply universally. The key is to integrate the universal ones with the culturally specific approaches tailored to the unique challenges and opportunities presented by intercultural dynamics. The most effective approach combines these universal strategies with specific, culturally aware practices to foster understanding, growth, and harmony in the relationship. What’s the point of me writing about this, one may ask. Well, it would be a dry article if it has no personal application to how you live your life with your partner. Here are some pointers to take home with:
- You are in a unique relationship with a lot of possibilities and resources available to you to make your relationship work. You have both the specific and universal strategies to call upon. So, don’t despair.
- There may be few people in intercultural marriages or relationships compared to those from the same culture, but that should not make you feel like an outsider or anomaly. This group is growing both in number and acceptance.
- Do not give in to the pressure to conform to the social demands that ask of it simply because your relationship is different. Your relationship isn’t wrong, it is just different.
- While intercultural marriages may benefit from some specialized approaches to address their distinct challenges, they do not exclusively require unique methods. Universal relationship principles such as communication, respect, shared values, and compromise remain vital. You therefore don’t need to neglect other universally applicable resources of how to make marriage work. If you feel that you need specific help, then find someone who is better skilled in that area of need.
Conclusion
The two ways to make marriage work that this article addresses are the two possibilities that are available to you if you want to make positive strides in your marriage. These two possibilities are what I call the universal and specific approaches. And within each of these two approaches are several strategies, totalling 9 altogether. I would have made the list longer, but I decided on settling with 9. The 9 strategies are examples meant to give clarity to the two approaches.
When you read through literature, there are universal approaches that people apply to making marriage work. Some of these include effective or successful communication, mutual respect, prioritising intimacy, appreciation, gratitude, flexibility, compromise, and making time for each other (Erin Port, Jo Edwards, URMC encyclopedia, WSJ video, Dylan Banks).
As I pointed out already, the goal was to show those people in cross-cultural marriages that they are not short of options when it comes to strategies that they can use to make their marriages work. They don’t have to solely rely on those that are specifically tailored for cross-cultural marriages. They can make use of the universal approaches as well. This gives them a lot more options to choose from.
I have deliberately chosen the title “to improve your marriage now” with emphasis on “now”. This is meant to emphasise the fact that the strategies are at your disposal now. Your relationship doesn’t need to wait for the invention of some new strategy for you to make it work. You can make it work NOW.
But if you feel you have tried all there is to do with little or no success coming your way, then you need to seek for help. It’s not that the strategy isn’t working at all. Sometimes we need a guide to help us with the first steps. You must not give up on making your marriage work on the account that you don’t or couldn’t find a strategy that works for you. I will be more than happy to take those first steps to making your marriage work with you.
References
Erin Port: https://simplepurposefulliving.com/best-advice-and-tips-for-a-healthy-and-happy-marriage/
Jo Edwards: https://www.forsters.co.uk/news/blog/seven-tips-keeping-your-marriage-happy
URMC encyclopedia: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4580
WSJ video: https://www.wsj.com/video/strategies-for-a-successful-marriage/52C32419-CCFC-473F-8B4A-944862A82B2E
Dylan Banks: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/15-key-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage/